Strawberry
by Heptagon
Summary: Collection of 100word drabbles on different topics. Random, crazy, and hopefully amusing. CH 17: The great chicken plan
1. Socks

**Disclaimer: **Everything you can recognize from Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling. :)

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**Socks**

The letter was addressed to Dumbledore.

"We shouldn't read it," Hermione said.

"It might be important," Ron protested.

Harry didn't say a thing. In the end they still opened the envelope. The piece of parchment inside was purple, and had only a couple of lines written on it.

_Dear Albus, _it read.

_Happy Birthday!!!_

_Your Father,  
Tweeky_

"Tweeky?" Hermione raised her brow. "But that sounds like..."

"Dumbledore's father is a house-elf!" Ron exclaimed.

"Don't be ridiculous," she admonished, and they both turned to Harry, who was quiet for a while.

"That explains his love of socks," he finally spoke.


	2. Octopus

**Octopus**

Harry and Voldemort were chasing each other in a maze.

Harry cast a spell to make his breathing inaudible. Voldemort hid himself behind a panel. But alas! the panel didn't go all the way till the floor, and his feet were showing under it.

Realizing that, Voldemort jumped out from behind the panel, shouted "Haa!", and shot three spells at Harry – Rictusempra, Sectumsempra, and Octosempra.

The first two missed, but the third hit its target, turning Harry into an octopus.

And that was how Lord Voldemort finally triumphed over Harry Potter, and why the Giant Squid fell in love.

* * *

**Note:** This one is based almost entirely on a dream I had. Only there I was Voldemort and my best friend was Harry, and unfortunately I woke up before I could see what exactly Octosempra did. But the curse was bluish-purple, if anyone should care. ;) 


	3. Not A Rat Problem

**Not A Rat Problem**

There was a spy in the Order. Moody got suspicious, and many ended up between his bench vice of justice. But he was wrong, except that he wasn't. He never said they were spies, he simply declared that they might be. And they might have been, they just weren't.

Finally, however, they discovered that the Order was not having a rat problem. Instead, it was having a ferret problem.

"Your animagus form is actually a ferret?" Ron sneered. "That's pathetic."

"Well, no," Draco corrected. "Actually, I am a ferret, and this is just my humagus form."


	4. Power He Knows Not

**Power He Knows Not**

"I don't care about some stupid prophecy!" Neville screamed, took a breath, and inquired, "What did it say, anyway?"

"Something about the power the Dark Lord knows not helping Harry destroy him," Ron recalled.

"So it's something Harry has and Voldemort doesn't," Neville paraphrased. "Tentacles?"

"No. I don't know. Perhaps," Ron contemplated the idea. "But in that case he probably would be using them for something else than wooing the Giant Squid."

"Glasses?" Neville gave another suggestion.

And with the help of a well-placed lens plus well-placed spell, Voldemort was reduced to a pile of dust.


	5. Cheer up!

**Cheer up!**

When Remus entered the kitchen of 12, Grimmauld Place, Sirius was sitting at the table and sulking. That was no news, but he thought it was high time to cheer his friend up.

"Why so moody?" Remus inquired.

Sirius looked up and frowned.

"I'm not Moody. See—" he pointed to his face "—no fake eye, no ugly scars, and my nose is still as handsome as ever. And the last time I checked, both my legs were still there."

"I'm serious," Remus replied, suppressing his grin.

"No, I'm Sirius," Sirius declared. "Did you get Confunded again?"

* * *

**A/N: **Because there are so many Sirius jokes out there, but I have yet to see a Moody joke. ;)  



	6. Grieffinder

**Note: **Now this is a bit more than 100 words, but I'm posting it here anyway. And I also have to **warn** you - even **I** find this story extremely weird. :D So read at your own risk.**  
**

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**Grief-finder**

A lone Grief-finder was sitting in an armchair before the fire, not swinging his legs because they reached the floor. So the lone Grief-finder opened the window and sat on the sill, swinging his legs with all his might. It was raining.

A Slip-In-the-Rain went past him, slipping in the rain. The lone Grief-finder tried to find some grief in this, as that was his job, but it didn't work because he didn't really like Slip-In-the-Rains. So he had to find his grief elsewhere.

Perhaps he could find a Rave-In-Closet from some closet, but they wouldn't be very happy to have someone interrupt their raving. Have-A-Muffins were always ready to help, but muffins didn't really inspire grief.

So it seemed that the lone Grief-finder's only hope was to jump through the window and find some grief in his own death.

And that's how the lone Grief-finder by the name of Roonil Wazlib found his sad end, but the end of the History of Magic class was anything but sad.


	7. Bad Day

**Bad Day**

Lord Voldemort was having a bad day. For some reason, no one thought him scary anymore.

"Grrr! Grragh!" came his poor imitation of a lion. Really, he was tons better at hissing.

"Leave me alone!" Harry snapped in irritation.

Voldemort was deeply insulted, but also too shocked to kill anyone.

Suddenly, Harry jumped to his feet, letting out a roar that would have made Godric not only proud, but also deaf and scared.

Lord Voldemort sent a frightened look at the other person hiding under the bed with him.

"I think he's having a bad day," Ron explained.


	8. Spot

**Spot**

Hermione and Draco were standing behind the door to Dumbledore's office, both looking at the white puppy with black spots sitting on the floor before them.

After a moment, Harry came round the corner running. He would have been surprised at seeing these two together here, but he was in a hurry.

"Where's Dumbledore?" he shouted. "I really need to see him."

"Well," Hermione said and blushed, "we were kind of duelling and he stepped between us."

"And?" Harry demanded.

"And we turned him into a puppy," she finished sheepishly.

Harry stared.

"Hey, let's call him Spot!" Draco suggested.

* * *

**Note:** Another dream of mine. Had it quite close to the first one, but since the two stories are sort of similar, I didn't want to post them in a row. And I have no idea why my dreams of Potterworld are about someone being turned into something. Anyway, Harry is an artistic addition, actually. But the puppy was really cute. I mean, _really_ cute. :) 


	9. Love Me

**Love Me**

Nott was having some doubts about his girlfriend's true feelings for him. So he asked her over, prepared a romantic dinner, and practiced the Killing Curse on several unlucky flies.

When the time arrived, and his girlfriend arrived, they sat at the table, wined and dined, and then he asked his big question.

"Do you love me?"

"Oh!" she smiled at him. "Of course I love you, Nott."

"You love me not!!!" he screamed, jumped up and drew his wand. "Die, bitch. Avada Kedavra!"

Fortunately for Nott's girlfriend, though, an unlucky fly just happened to be passing by.


	10. Doomed

**Doomed**

It was a usual evening in the Gryffindor common room: Hermione was studying, Harry was sulking, Fred and George were doing something hazardous, illegal, and highly amusing, and the occupations of everyone else don't really matter.

Suddenly the portrait of the Fat Lady sprang open and a panting redhead entered the room.

"You-Know-Who knows about the You-Know-What taken from You-Know-Where by You-Know-Whom!" Ron shouted.

"What?" George exclaimed from the far side of the room. "McGonagall knows that it were us who took those five boxes of Ginger Newts from under her bed?"

"We are so doomed," Fred muttered darkly.


	11. Cruel

**Cruel**

"I heard that you broke up with Cho!"

"Yes."

"What happened? I thought you really liked her!"

"This."

"A parchment broke you up? How can a... oh."

"Yes."

"Oh."

"Yes."

"This is really cruel. I can't believe she would do something like this."

"Old habits die hard, I guess."

"But she seems such a lovely girl, it's incredible she could have ever done this thing."

"Appearances deceive."

"Big-time. You know, you are better without her. Cruelty to animals mustn't be tolerated in any case, but if a person writes down 'chop otter' and draws a heart around it..."

* * *

_What can I say? Names **are** fun. :)_


	12. Horse Trouble

**Horse Trouble**

Ron was trying to push a horse through the bathroom door.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Whenever I tell something to Hermione, she always replies, _I know_. But when she comes home tonight and exclaims, _Honey, there's a horse in our bathroom_, I can look smug and reply, _I know._"

_---_

"Ronald!" Hermione screamed. "Why is there a horse in our bathroom?"

With a smug look and tone, Ron replied, "I know."

"I didn't ask you that!" his furious wife turned towards him. "I asked, **why** is there a horse in our bathroom??!"

"Erm..." he muttered.

* * *

**A/N:** The "Horse in the bathroom" joke this drabble is based on is not mine. But I thought it would fit perfectly with Ron and Hermione. :) 


	13. Death Easter

**Death Easter**

Giving in to the pressure of his followers, Lord Voldemort allowed them to celebrate Easter. Bella dyed the eggs black. Voldemort approved. Amycus threw one of them at his sister. Voldemort approved. Alecto cursed a pile of eggs to shoot at her brother and hit him hard. Voldemort approved. Bella quickly grabbed one egg and hid it. Voldemort didn't notice for he was still watching Amycus getting eggsterminated and approving it.

In the evening, after all the eggsitement, they sat down together and ate dark chocolate. Amycus was missing. He had been ordered to clean up the mess.

* * *

**Note: **Because everyone should be given the chance to enjoy the holidays. And because you shalt not throw an egg at thy sister.


	14. Choice

**Choice**

"Remus, you love me, don't you?"

"We've discussed this, Nymphadora, I'm too..."

"And you do want the best for me, don't you?"

"Of course I do. That's exactly why..."

"I know. I'm not here for that."

"You aren't?"

"No, Remus. I'm here to give you a choice."

"You are?"

"Yes. And since you love me I know you're going to do what's best for me. Here's your choice: I am going to date you, _or_ I am going to date Moody."

"..Moody?"

"Not so old now, are you?"

* * *

**Note:** Read _Mad Eyes Army_'s Tonks/Moody fic and got this idea. :)


	15. Light

**Light**

"Pancakes? Ice cream?"

"No, we need something controversial and revolutionary."

"Hot stew?"

"More controversial. I've got an idea. People are always concerned about their figure, and getting enough exercise, and all that healthy way of living."

"So?"

"So the next time Voldemort tries to recruit people, we'll have an offer of our own. Oh, I can so imagine this! When they come and announce that they've got cookies, we can counter it with our own offer – Fight for light, stay light!"

"I guess escaping the bad guys does keep us fit."

* * *

**Note:** I was thinking one day that if the dark side has got cookies, what more could the light side possibly offer? :P


	16. Booga

"Booga-booga-booga!" Lord Voldemort shouted, jumping out of the cake. There was a moment when it looked like he might slip on the cream, but then it passed, and those who valued their lives knew it had been just a figment of their imagination.

"Well?" Voldemort demanded.

"Excellent, my Lord. Superb. Even better than the one with the pirouette," Rodolphus said.

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Never, my Lord. Wouldn't dream of it, my Lord."

"Liar," Amycus whispered.

"Silence!" Voldemort shouted. "I have come up with a perfect plan to get the cake to the blood traitors' wedding."

* * *

**Note: **Aah, those perfect plans... perhaps I'll write a few more strawberries on this topic. I like it.

**Inspired by**: _phantomduck_'s "The Weasley Twins and the Kosa Assassin"

**Recommendation:** if you have ever wondered why Harry washes himself only once during his stay at Hogwarts (and even then not with the purpose to get clean) then this story is for you: _BlueSphinx_'s "Hallows Hundred", story number 7. (can be found from my favorite stories)


	17. Infiltration

**Infiltration**

Overly enthusiastic and proud of his idea to infiltrate the households of his enemy wizards and witches disguised as their food, Lord Voldemort took the plan a step too far.

"Avery!"

"Yes, my Lord?"

"You shall pose as a chicken. Yaxley will go with you as salad."

"Yes, my Lord."

"Avery!"

"Yes, my Lord?"

"That will be roasted chicken."

"Yes, my Lord, of course, my Lord."

"Avery! Avery! AVERY!"

"Yes, my Lord?"

"Roasted chicken doesn't talk. _Crucio_!"

Neither did salad, but it nevertheless managed to look rather smug.

* * *

**End note:** Moral of the story: check your salad before eating it. Oh, and happy Hallowe'en. :)


End file.
